Women Traveling With Men
I am a single woman, traveling with men - other women’s husbands - for business. There is no funny business going on, I can assure you. We – the men I travel with and I – all take great care to keep the lines clear and professional. This is my job, and I won’t risk it for even the perception of being inappropriate.
That is not to say we don’t enjoy each other’s company. When you spend hours together in a car or in airports or at meals on the road, you find common ground. You laugh, and share your histories and tell stories about your lives. You might even have drinks together at the end of a long day, but you each go to your own rooms at night. There is no touching except a handshake, maybe a quick friendly hug on greeting.
They tell me about their kids and their wives and their hobbies and their past jobs. We talk about our customers and prospects and what meetings are coming up. I share some of my personal stories, of bad choices and joyful experiences. We celebrate and commiserate with each other.
Sometimes we have to tell the waitress that no, we are not a couple, so she will stop suggesting romantic things. Awkward laugh, then back to business.
If I am lucky, I get to meet my colleagues’ wives, so they see who is spending so much time with their husbands.
Rules of engagement
When traveling with men for business, it is important to keep it professional. Consider that the entire trip is on company time, and act that way. Anything you do on a business trip can impact your perception among your peers and management.
If you need to meet at your mutual hotel to discuss business or get together for a meal, always meet in the lobby or restaurant. Never go to each other’s rooms.
Don’t over-share about your personal problems. Your colleague is not your therapist.
If you are drinking alcohol, be mindful. Don’t let cocktails take away your judgment.
Make it a point to ask your colleagues about their wives and kids, and talk about your spouse or significant other, if you have one.
If you find yourself attracted to a colleague, especially a married one, dial it back. You don’t want to go there, I promise you. Don’t flirt. Spend less time with him if possible, perhaps opting for room service over a dinner together. Remind yourself that your job is at stake, because it is.
If you feel like your colleague is becoming inappropriately attracted to you, see number 5. Same rules apply. Shut this down. Be friendly and professional. If you must, make it clear you are not going there.
It’s okay to have fun. Get to know each other. You have to get along to endure the hours of time together and to be an effective team.
Dress like a professional, even after hours. Casual is fine, but nothing overtly sexy or revealing. You don't want to send mixed signals. Show up polished and professional for meetings. If you are going out to dinner, be on time. Don't keep your colleagues waiting.
Sometimes the men on a business trip want to go off and have beers together without you. Just let it go. If you have good relationships with everyone, and you aren’t concerned about missing out on an important business discussion – it’s no big deal. After long days on the road, I relish the chance to be alone. I will order room service, or bring a book to a restaurant and enjoy a quiet dinner. Or I ask the concierge for recommendations of something interesting to do in the area. And usually, I’m the one feeling great the next day.
Expand your comfort zone
Women pursuing careers in traditionally male occupations will need to become comfortable being around mostly men. I have been in engineering and high-tech sales for over 30 years, so I spend most of my days working with men. Travel is just a part of it. I am perhaps lucky to have grown up with five brothers (my headless Barbies would disagree...but I digress.) I can laugh and joke around with men, and am not easily offended by off color remarks. Though truly I find most men to be respectful, friendly, and helpful. They police their own language more than I do.
If you are just starting out and have limited experience being around men in a non-romantic setting, you'll need to be conscious of how you come across - at least at first. Better to be a little self-conscious than to fall into flirtatious or otherwise inappropriate behavior. The more time you spend with your male colleagues, the more comfortable you will be.
In the end, we are all just people. Trying to do our jobs, and looking forward to going home after a busy travel week.